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Am I afraid of being judged or do I just don’t want to believe it happened? Am I afraid of what I have done wrong or do I just don’t want to admit that I have been done wrong so many times? Admit things to whom? Myself or the world? ...I somehow don't know...
For a girl who has always done the ‘right’ thing, the past 5years came as a rude shock. I guess blocking it out, as childish as this might sound, is my way of coping. But what I do know is I wouldn’t have been even close to the person I am today if it wasn’t for the past 5 years. I would’ve been childish, immature and weak. Ok maybe I still do come across like that, but it could have been worse! ;)
Being in a place I don’t want to be, a place where I didn’t belong; taught me early the art of acceptance and patience. Seriously, I sometimes can’t believe I came out alive from that Bermuda Triangle.
Should I have done things differently? Yes. I should've been calmer. I shouldn’t have made decisions in haste and in anger. I shouldn’t have lingered on so long for absolutely no good reason.
Do I regret anything? No. Not a single thing. You know what they say, “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. I should have done a lot of things differently but I’m secretly glad I didn’t.
I am thankful to the patterns of the universe to have put me in that gruesome maze, allowing me to find my way out. Find my way home.
After you’ve seen the most explicit things, nothing you see later can distress you. Nothing is shocking or horrendous anymore. Circumstances forced me to open my eyes to see two kinds of worlds. The ‘was’ and the ‘is’. The ‘Is’ world ain’t all that bad a place after all. A full cycle or a turn of luck or call it what you want; it feels ‘right’. At least the cynic in me is temporary mum.
I realized that you just need to know where to look and when to look away. And somewhere between all that you find ways to make yourself happy. Right Here,Right Now...
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